I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
