we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
