They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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