I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
