Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
