So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got inside last night via doggy door
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
