you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
