So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
