The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
