party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
