Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
