totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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