I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
