Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
