May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
