"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
did i just pee glitter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
