the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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