"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
