there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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