also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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