found the other keg... it's in the tree
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
