kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
