allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
