HIV tests are more positive than that guy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My vagina just recognized that song.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
