great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
