he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
