Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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