So drunk its hurt
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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