he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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