Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
