That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
