Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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