He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
