I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
