Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
