epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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