You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
