i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
