3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
