I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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