Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
