Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
