I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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