yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
