i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
