Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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