i think i have two assholes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
