His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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