Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
