I'm jealous of your bromance
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
