honey bunches of taint.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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