Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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