Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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