Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
