he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
